A perspective or reality……………………..what if both is happening at the same time?
Did you know that we all view the world through our own set of rose coloured glasses?
Our day to day reality gets filtered into our brain through these glasses.
Everything we see, feel, think or act upon is based on what we have seen through these glasses………everything.
I just want you to think about this for a moment.
Just as there are factual events, things people say and do, things that happen to us throughout each day. Our own perspective on what these things mean to us, how they affect us, how we choose to think, feel and act as a result of these events are all filtered through our own rose coloured glasses.
Your rose coloured glasses are determined by your own personal set of beliefs, values, morals, the meaning of right and wrong to you. These beliefs, values, morals, our ideas of right and wrong are developed within each of us from a very young age in a very unique way.
For example, two children could be raised in exactly the same way, under the exact same circumstances, with the exact same intentions from their loved ones but will grow up to view the world with completely different sets of glasses on. Because what means one thing to one sibling could mean a completely different thing to another. All the while frustrating and baffling the hell out of their loved ones as, according to them, they were given the exact same upbringing.
The same goes for each of us, related or not. We all have our own unique set of beliefs, values, morals and a meaning of right and wrong that we have developed for ourselves throughout our life. We could all witness the same event, all experience the same thing in our lives but our view of that event or experience will be completely our own.
To the individual, though, that is their reality. The way they’ve experienced it is how it happened. They believe it so deeply that there can be no other reality, no other way of looking at it. Our brains are so programmed to believe this filtered perspective as reality that we cannot truly appreciate any other perspective. We refuse it, we resist it, we may even fight against it. We might say that “I can appreciate where you’re coming from but…….” all the while keeping our rose coloured glasses on, refusing to accept that we’re even wearing them.
“What’s that, rose coloured glasses? No, I’m not wearing rose coloured glasses, that’s just how it is”.
Growing up, one of the things my Mom would always insist was that we finished our jobs/chores before we were allowed to play, watch TV, play sport, go to our friends’ houses, etc. Now, this would have meant different things to each of us. I’m one of 3 siblings, I have an older sister and a younger brother, yep that’s right, I’m the middle child…….the special one 😉
For me, as I became an adult I developed my own set of beliefs, values, morals and ideas about what was right and wrong. This included an incredible drive to finish things at any cost, to complete my “to do” list each and every day at any cost, to be the hardest worker in the room at any cost, to be the last one to leave work. I could not relax or allow myself any “me” time until this “to do” list was finished. I also did not feel deserving of praise, recognition or relaxation if I had not been able to complete this imaginary “to do” list.
This belief came as a direct result of how I had filtered in Mom’s rule about our jobs/chores, the meaning I had placed on what that rule represented.
Now, this belief has its pro’s and con’s. The pro’s being that I have always worked desperately hard to become the best I can possibly be at whatever I have put my mind too. I have been very successful and recognised by all of my employers as an extremely hard worker, passionate about achieving and exceeding the results that were expected of me, always willing and prepared to “go the extra mile” without having to be asked. In my sport, whatever challenges I have faced I have been determined to find a way to be strengthened by them, never satisfied to be just “okay” at it or to just “show up” to training, if I’m on the floor I’m giving it everything I’ve got. If I’m injured and “on the bench” then I’m still showing up staying motivated and inspired by those around me.
The con’s, however, have had a huge impact on my personal life, my life away from work and sport. You see, I’ve learned that because of this rose coloured view of my world, I had come to derive my own personal worth, my deserving of love, my deserving of a happy life down to completing my “to do” list each and every day. If I hadn’t got everything done at work that day, if I hadn’t given it everything in the dojo/gym/tournament, if I hadn’t got all my jobs/chores done at home that day then I wasn’t deserving of, well frankly, anything. This belief had come to create a huge amount of anxiety and stress. I could not relax at home or on holidays until my jobs/chores were done (this would include any leftover tasks from work that day)………..seriously, I mean I could not sit still on the couch, I didn’t want to be hugged, held or watch a movie. It would make me feel physically ill, like I was doing something terribly wrong, I did not have the ability to “leave it until after”. Through my rose coloured glasses I believed that I didn’t deserve to relax or enjoy my life until this “to do list” was complete each day. It was exhausting and debilitating.
When I began life coaching, this was one of the beliefs that we cracked wide open. It was one of my biggest “light bulb” moments. I had come to derive my value as a human being, my deserving of love down to the completion of an imaginary “to do” list each day.
You see to me, this was my reality. I believed this to my core. I would look for evidence of this in every aspect of my life; work, sport, personal life through my rose coloured glasses. If I didn’t complete my “to do” list and something went wrong I would instantly blame the fact that I hadn’t done something from that list. Through my glasses, this would be my reinforcement, my evidence that “see I need to complete my list each day”.
Understanding your own shade of rose coloured glasses, finding out why you choose to wear the pair you do each day is the key. Knowledge is power. Understanding why will make it so much easier to take them off every now and then when you’re struggling. Understanding why will help explain why you think, feel and act the way you do. Understanding why will help to explain why you react to the world in the way you do. Get curious people; is that really true, did they really mean it that way, did that really happen because of this, etc.?
Wearing those glasses is a choice my friends and the sooner you accept this the freer you will become. We choose to view the world in this way, this choice is made because of how we experienced life in those first 7 years. But just as easily as you put on your rose coloured glasses you can also choose to take them off.
If your rose coloured glasses are causing you to feel exhausted, stressed, bringing unnecessary anxiety, holding you back from living your extraordinary life then it’s time to lift those glasses and see the world for what it truly is, a choice. If you want to feel more in control of your life, choose to take off your rose coloured glasses every now and then and see the world through your own extraordinary eyes.
