Or as I like to call it, perfectionism paralysis.
“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now” – Hugh Laurie
This lesson can be a really tough one to learn, especially for us perfectionists. Regret is the scholar that teaches us this lesson and, I don’t know about you but, I don’t want to live my life in the shadow of regret.
How many times have we stood on the edge of decision and thought “yeah, but………” but this isn’t quite right or that’s not quite ready yet or I’m not feeling as I would like to to begin whatever that decision is you’re standing on the edge of. Because of that indecision, that hesitation, that lack of self belief we then miss out on creating what could have been an amazing memory, or a valuable lesson, or personal growth, or strength in confidence, or all of the above, the list is endless.
The fear of failure, of imperfection, of the unknown, freezes us. Freezes us to the point where we end up limiting our potential. Our own self limiting beliefs of “what if I fail” “what if I look like an idiot” “what if it’s really hard” or “I can’t do that” or my all time favorite “I’m too old for that”. These stories we tell ourselves, our reality that we’ve created is holding us back from experiencing an extraordinary life. If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.
Luke: I don’t believe it
Yoda: That is why you fail
There is greatness within each of us, we simply have to have the courage to dip our toes in the waters just outside our comfort zone. You’ll find that the water’s not as hot as you think it is.
The first step, however, is always the most difficult. It takes courage to feel uncomfortable, to face fear and possible failure (or as I like to call failure, a lesson). Courage is the resistance of fear, not the absence of fear.
“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Muhammad Ali
I had a student of mine approach me last year and ask about getting involved in a particular tournament circuit, one that was a lot more challenging than the one she was already competing in. I could sense the spark of courage but at the same time I could feel her doubt of self belief. I explained how the circuit worked and talked to her about a road map towards competing in this circuit. As soon as I told her that the next training session for this circuit was in 6 days and we’d love to see her there, her fear and self doubt completely took over. She was on the edge of that cliff when the habit of self limiting belief took over.
It’s like the dark side of the force. That voice that speaks in your head telling you you’re not ready for this. That’s fear and self doubt. Once you realise that you actually have control over that voice, you choose your own thoughts, you can begin to choose differently. But it takes courage to choose differently. As I said earlier, courage is the resistance of fear, not the absence of it.
Focus your thoughts on what pushing through your fear could bring to your life. What was it that brought you to this decision in the first place? Was it, like my student earlier, an opportunity to really see what you’re capable of, an opportunity to create an unforgettable experience, an opportunity to start a new chapter in your life? Whatever it is for you, focus on what having that would mean to you, how important is that to you? Make that desire, that passion stronger than your fear. Then, as you begin to take those steps on your road map, each time fear comes and taps you on the shoulder put up those middle fingers and tell him you’re doing it anyway.
Each time you stand on that cliff’s edge, that muscle you use to make that decision to just jump keeps getting stronger and stronger.
By the way, that student has actually taken that first step now and had the best training session she’s had in over 12 months, she’s entered the next tournament in that circuit and is on her way to finding out just what she’s capable of. These decisions we make are not always about the end result, it’s about who we become on the journey there.